My Son Loved the Wrong Animal

By  Joyce Ashuntantang

I have never been one for pets. I did not grow up with a dog or cat. Truth be told: I am scared of dogs.  I have actually been bitten a couple of times by dogs.  No pun intended.  I am equally uncomfortable around cats; they leave me with an eerie feeling. If I have to own a a pet it would be a bird, but the whole idea of caging a bird traumatizes me; to ask me why is to start a whole different story.

Well, one day, while watching a national geographic documentary on primates, my four year old son told me he loved gorillas. Of course, as a vigilant mother I had noticed this. He was very excited to see one when we visited the zoo.  He also wanted to read any book that had gorillas or monkeys in them. I was frightened out of my wits. We were not in Cameroon or any other African country for that matter; we were living in the United States of America where the connotation between blacks and primates is alive and raw. And this was well  before Phillip Atiba Goff’s research which proved that “white supremacist assumptions that black people are related to apes and monkeys is not just history… those racist associations remain embedded within the minds of most white people, affecting their opinions and their behavior”.   This was also a couple of years before the New York Times published a cartoon of an assassinated monkey signing a bill after Barack Obama signed the stimulus bill. 

Well,  I imagined my son in the predominantly white school library, picking up a book with monkeys or gorillas….that in itself could be turned into a scientific explanation of why blacks are considered apes. How does one tell a 4 year old about racism and stop him on his tracks from loving an animal he genuinely admires. I went on a mission NOT to bring him near books with pictures of primates of any sort. Then, he started pre-kindergarten and a week later, a teacher called him “Curious George” and I was on my toes. He was an intelligent boy, very curious and his name was George, so why did this make me uncomfortable? Well, the book character "Curious George" is a monkey!  True, he loved monkeys and gorillas but he was not one! That day I had to tell myself over and over that the teacher did not mean any harm. A year later my son turned five and I gave him a birthday party; as we unwrapped the gifts, one stood out… a book on gorillas. My son jumped up excitedly and started flipping the pages.  I did not know that his love for gorillas was known to his friends.  He was the only black kid in his class. I was on the edge of my sit: a white family giving my black son a book on gorillas. I had no reason to doubt that it was a genuine gift, but the flood of history drowned me. I reviewed the racist premise of the last 400 years from Hegel’s “scientific” race theories to New Jersey cops’ racial profiling case.

For the next several days, my son hugged the book on gorillas, thumped the pages and wanted me to purr over the photographs with him. He wanted to have a gorilla of his own.  I said cute sentences in my mommy candy-sweet voice; “son, Gorillas should stay in the forest; you can’t possibly want one. Georgie boy, I know you like hamsters better than gorillas; I could get you one. I could even get you a puppy if you tell me a dog is your favorite animal”. Two years passed and I was sure the gorilla bug had been laid to rest.  Then in 2^nd grade, his class teacher bought assorted class prizes including a monkey soft toy.  When a kid had a question right, he/she went into the prize bin and took something.  George was the first one to answer a question correctly, and of course true to his taste, he went for the monkey.  The soft toy came with a name, “Congo”, probably from the 1995 film “Congo” directed by Franck Marshall.  When he got home he was ecstatic. “Mommy”, I brought home “Congo”.  “Who is Congo?”  I asked.  “Here, look”, He said. He rushed to his bag and brought it out. I smiled the kind of smile that flattens your face because inside the intestines are dancing assiko. “Wow” I said, not knowing what else to say and he excitedly continued, “Yes mommy, I was the first to pick a prize and I was so happy I got Congo.”  For two days, I watched him put Congo by his side while watching TV, or put it on the table while eating. I felt uncomfortable but I did not know how to explain my discomfort to a seven year old. How do I explain that a gorilla or monkey is not the right animal for a black child to love in a white dominated environment?  Then on a bright Wednesday I picked him up from school and as we were going home, I heard what I had been dreading, “Mommy my friends keep laughing at me that I look like Congo.  Is that true?”    My stomach churned, but I kept my cool. I adjusted my mirror so he could see my face from the back seat “You are right son, Congo is an animal and you do not look like Congo. You are a very handsome boy. You know son, they are just jealous that you were the first to pick and you got Congo”.  He seemed contented with my response and kept quiet. The next day I went and talked to his teacher; I told her what the kids were saying. She was so apologetic and explained, “I am so sorry, Ms. A, I didn’t think about that when I bought the toy.  I feel so terrible. It was the best prize I had in there; oh I will ask him to pick another gift. I am so sorry.”  The teacher had never given cause to doubt her, but then again I wondered.  The teacher asked George to pick another gift, reprimanded the kids, and got them to apologize to George.  At home, I tried to tell him a child-appropriate version of black history and why those comments by the children were not nice.  

George did not pick another gift, and he refused to give up Congo; however, he stopped taking the soft toy to school.  But even at home, I saw his love for Congo wane. Congo was no longer near him on the couch or on the table while he ate.  

Today,  I cleaned George’s  room and  I came across Congo in an obscure corner under the bed. It is now four years since Congo came home…we don’t talk about gorillas and monkeys anymore.  I wonder what else my son will have to give up in a predominantly white world!

Comments

[Bobe]

Interesting story Ma Batuo. I just wonder why the teacher couldn’t see that coming. Kids tease others for a living and that to me was foreseeable. I’ll take the teacher on her word and hope that she had no latent motive getting your son to pick first. With the wrong parent that could easily have escalated to something a lot worse. The kids never win in those scenarios. I think you handled it extremely well. I trust you. Thanks for sharing.
Bobe

[joyce Ashuntantang]

Well, one has to be very cautious the way we react to "these things" otherwise we may end up behaving no different than the people we hope to correct. Thanks for the feedback, Bobe.

[Angel Asobo]

Interesting story Joyce. I thoroughly enjoyed this piece and how you dealt with the awkward moments. No one prepares you for moments like these. Reminds me of when my little one was 3 years old. Envious of her pre-k classmates bragging about their newborn siblings, she told me she wanted me to have a baby girl. When I told her that it was not that easy, she advised me to eat a lot of food and my stomach will grow big and then I wil have a baby. I was not as gracefu as you were with George. I just laughed at her and told her one day in the distant future, she will find out about having a baby. She is now 10, but the trick questions have not ceased. They are just more complicated.

[Erica]

Thank you for sharing your experience. I have a deeply visceral pang and internal tremble as I read this ... I came across this site looking to find information to "educate" my children's Sunday School teacher at a Methodist church we recently started attending. This will be her first session with them, as the church did not have one for the ~4-9yr age, so she sent a "Party Invitation" card (with monkeys eating bananas and swinging on branches) to my 6yr old daughter and 9yr old son! Of all the cards out there, she invited them to a Sunday School class at church with a "party invitation" card of this nature. Is this deliberately insulting? Is she just unbelievably ignorant? I don't believe I am being overly sensitive or am I?

[joyce Ashuntantang]

@Erica. What can one say? You will have to note it down, give a benefit of doubt and watch the space. Did all the children receive that particular card? I will tell you another experience. My first day at this church, my 8 year old went to Sunday school and the teacher was testing the kids on a memory verse he had given out the previous Sunday. Of course my son was new so he did not know it but as each kid tried to recite he picked it up and recited it making an error. At the end of the exercise- two of them did not get it right. He was the only kid of color in the room and he was new. The teacher, who was in seminary school and the pastor's son distributed candy to those who got it right and in the end gave the boy who had it wrong. The only peron who did not get anything was my son who was new and different in color. I could not believe it. To make matters worse, the teacher still had a lot of candy left. If he had to consider anyone, it will be my son who was joining the class for the first time. When I asked him about it, he could not answer why he gave the other boy who had the verse wrong and did not give my son. My guess was that he could feel the hurt in that child's face because he was human to him! This was a pastor in training and a pastor's son!! I lost faith in that church although I continued to worship there. It took me a long time to get past this, but I figured my God lives inside me and at the end it will be my personal relationship with that God which will count, and not my relationship with any impostor acting as his servant on earth!